Monday, April 9, 2012

Walker's Earth Assignment

So, this little guy is a riot. Not like "life-of-the-party-rolling-on-floor-laughing" riot... More like, old-soul, been-here-before- riot. Like, you expect him to philosophize on the weather or gas prices with his wrinkled forehead. Also like "I know more than I'm telling you" riot.

I laugh at him all the time.

Let me clarify. Now that we are past the constant colic screaming days, I laugh. He is so utterly adorable, and his persistent seriousness makes his rare smiles and coos even more delicious.

He carries an air about him that he is tolerating us mortals- that he is just trying to figure out why the heck he was sent here, and how he's going to best cope with the arrangement he has been given. So, to laugh at this funny little man of mine, I have decided to share some of his most hilarious photogenic moments, along with the fitting captions of Walker's thoughts on his earthly assignment. (caption below its appropriate picture).

Day One: They have laid me with some creature five times my size and irritatingly loud. I don't like this creature they call "Legend." Pretty sure he's trying to eat my head.

Day Two: The older female seems nice enough, though she does put her lips on my face quite a bit. The younger one is also nice, but I'm not sure she thinks I'm real. I seem to be some kind of novelty item to her. Anyway, the man who took this picture called my name and I went along with it, just to entertain them for a while.

Day Five: My captors seem to like this strange item in my mouth whenever I get angry at them. They think I'm oblivious to the fact that there's no liquid coming out of it, but I am not. Again, I go along with their silly game to keep them happy. The bright light in my eyes startled me here. I'm not sure I like this place as well as my last home.

Day Ten: I am being wrapped up like a burrito when the sun goes down. Every. Single. Day. I don't know what I've done to inflict this type of punishment upon myself, but it must involve my arms, as they are constantly being tacked down to my sides.

Day Twelve: I am being held hostage in a cocoon of some sort. These flailing items they call "arms" are always in my way. I have thought about gnawing them off, but I think they will be valuable to me later on in my assignment. For the time being, I am stuck with them by my head when I lay in this bed/cocoon thing.

Day Fifteen: The Bearded Man is very kind. His voice is soothing and gentle, much like the Man I previously lived with before I started this assignment. I have a feeling the Bearded Man and I will be friends for a long time. He lets me lay on him and that makes me really happy inside.

Day Twenty-three: The woman that feeds me most of the time talks to me like I'm uneducated. However, every once in a while, she gives me something to think about.

Day Thirty: The Bearded Man has some wisdom. So far, I've been most impressed with what he has to say versus the females in my residence.

Day Thirty-two: The older female, which I'll call the Feeder Woman in my residence seems to think I am a danger to myself just because these things they call "fingers" scratched my face up and made me bleed. I am very disturbed that I have been strapped into this box/seat mechanism, and have my hands wrapped up just because of a few minor incidences.

Day Thirty-three: Does anyone see this? HELP! TOO CLOSE! TOOOOO CLOSE!

Day Thirty-four: I snapped today and had a moment of weakness, which they call silliness.

Day Thirty-six: I was trying to show the younger female that out "there," is a world we can escape into without the Bearded Man and the Feeder Woman trying to make us do things we don't want to do. Somehow the Younger Female hasn't quite learned my language. But she's catching on a little at a time.

Day Thirty-seven: Why are they always strapping me down?

Day Thirty-nine: I have hope that I will one day be able to hold my head up on my own, without wobbling.

Day Forty-one: The Bearded Man and I had some time alone without the females. I think he understands me. Again, I am happy. And again, I have the milkless nipple in my mouth. I'm onto them.

Day Forty-two: The large people call this a "family" and apparently I am part of it. That's okay with me. Most of the time.

Day Forty-three: At least I have these friends to keep me company.

Day Forty-three part 2: I long to go outside and wait for the mothership to come take me back.

GOSH, this boy is an adventure already! Stay tuned for more Adventures from Walker's Earth Assignment. I'm so glad to be his mom. And so glad to document this wild life for him!

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