Thursday, January 19, 2012
This has become my view. For about 10 hours a day. Seven days a week. For a month, plus a little more. For those of you who haven't heard what's been going on with us, I have been put on the B word.
Bedrest. Me, myself, and I are on bedrest.
Short synopsis of why, and then I'll get to the good stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I had some light spotting/bleeding on a Tuesday night. There was some the next morning as well, so I hauled it to the doctor's office. Upon examination, my doctor said I had started to dilate and had indeed lost my mucus plug. Due to the craziness of our lifestyle and schedule, I was immediately restricted to my recliner and bed, to keep Walker off my pelvis as much as possible. He was only at 31 weeks old at the time, and we need him to wait until at least 35 for lung maturity- obviously longer if possible. I had an appointment yesterday and have slightly dilated more, but Little Mister is locked and loaded in position, so we gotta make him wait it out a while longer. I do get an occasional trip to the doctor, a wheelchair walk or two, and a push through Target now and then if I behave. My family and friends have become my heroes, as they have cleaned my house, fed my family, and washed our laundry. My husband is my Rock Star- managing a drama llama little girl who only likes her mom's food and is trying to adjust to the major change we've been going through for the past two weeks.
Back to the good stuff.
One of the things about bedrest that I have learned is that after a while, there's only so much TV you can watch, only so much napping you can do, and only so much staring at the wall your eyes can handle. I'm not a person who gets bored easily. I don't let boredom participate as a character in my head now, or ever. I will find things to do to entertain and busy myself, and I have been fortunate enough to work from home, thanks to a super cool laptop and wireless printer. But even more than the work I've been doing, I have purposely determined myself to focus on the task at hand.
Getting this guy here at his very best time.
There is no love like a mother's love. A daddy's love is definitely in a league of its own. Not taking away from it. My husband's love for our kids is like a grizzly bear at the entrance of its cave. It's protective, it's fierce, it's territorial, and it's insanely strong. But a mother's love?
It's a wildfire. And there's not enough water on this globe to quench it. Not even a little bit.
After the shock wore off that this was going to be my life for a while, I went into game mode in my heart. Nothing- and I reiterate NOTHING is more important to me at this point in time than getting this baby here, fully developed and prepared for the outside world. I started finding success stories to read of bedrest babies. I listened to friends talk about being on bedrest for months at a time and the precious outcomes of their sacrifice. I read stories of healthy babies born way early with no complications. But mostly, I talked to myself. Reminded myself of what I know. And of what is certain.
Here's what I've learned.
My family is without a doubt the closest knit family I've ever known. We protect each other, give it to each other straight, and monitor every move to make sure everything is satisfactory in our eyes. I am watched like a hawk continously by loving eyes. And those who live too far away to do surveillance call me, text me, and send their love and orders over the miles.
My husband is my knight in shining armor. Sometimes (and only sometimes) I forget the tenderness his heart possesses. He's a brut of a man in so many ways. But the way he has looked at me over the last two weeks shows me that there's nothing within his grasp that he wouldn't move for me and these kids of ours. I'm a pretty independent woman... but when I hear his car pull into the driveway these days, I sigh with relief. It's the nearness of him that is my touchstone every day.
You really don't know how much your friends love you until something like this happens. I am flooded- FLOODED with help. We have eaten delicious meals daily. We have a clean house from one end to the other. I have had constant fresh flowers to look at. One friend brought me a very indulgent bag of magazines, chocolate, and a candle. My mailbox greets me with cards. Another friend keeps me supplied in my current obsession with mixed boxed chocolates. I have received K-cups for my Keurig, nitrite free lunch meat (LOVE), and a full day's worth of three meals that we could easily prepare from other friend with just a knock on the door and bags sitting on my doorstep. I could go on and on. It makes my heart swell with love.
When your kids drive you up the wall- whether it's your almost-eight-year-old's clothing malfunctions, or the aching hips your unborn son produces... moments like these show you the fierceness of the love you possess for these creatures. These seasons in life are like opening your door on the first cold morning of fall, and the brisk air hitting you smack dab in the face, waking you up.
As tough as you think you are, you're even tougher. As strong as you see yourself, you're stronger. But as mighty as you may be, you need people. Period.
God's love, God's plan, and God's purposes for your life are stronger than logic, more consistent than the sunrise, and more gentle than a spring shower.
And His grace- His ability in you and through you, can enable you to not just tolerate your situation, but to thrive in it.
Moments of weakness, frustration, whining, and pity are normal. They prove we're human. However, whining produces nothing but noise. So get over it.
Sacrifice is worth it. It just is.
The view from your backporch, although the "same" every day, can be the very canvas of life your eyes need to see. There are reminders around you all the time of God's goodness and His creative genius.
There is so very much to be thankful for every day.
Sometimes, life isn't fun. That's just the way it is. But the not-fun times will pass and the fun times are WAY more frequent than the non-ones.
A woman's body is without a doubt the greatest creative force that God has fashioned. Man was created in His image. And then, He made His masterpiece. I'm convinced of it. Within my body, there's an eco-system that is warming him, feeding him, growing him, soothing him, and protecting him. And whether I'm awake or asleep, it's working per Divine orders to finish the work the Creator has started.
Purpose will push you past inconvenience and difficulty. And even when it's hard and you're in the valley of pity, think of your purpose until your emotions change.
I'm just sitting here, in my recliner, looking out the glass sliding doors. I see all of the Live Oaks that provide a nice shady place to sit. I see swings that Rod has hung for Abi and her friends. I see the squirrels climbing everywhere. I see the ferns that I hate blowing in the breeze. But mostly, I see a little boy, climbing those trees with his two cousins. I can hear them laughing and plotting their next adventure. I see him jumping on the trampoline, yelling "Mom, watch how high I jump!" I see them sitting at the picnic table, eating pbj's and Capri-suns with grimy hands. I see those three catching that lizard on the deck and trying to bring it inside.
And that tired mom at the door, making them empty their pockets and take off their shoes? That's me.
Wishing for a few more days of bedrest. :-)